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Hate a person, there is no need to turn your face on him.
You are not good, it is useless to know anyone
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One writer said: “Ability and one’s own resources are not enough, and it is useless to have strong connections. These connections must be lost sooner or later. Don’t make yourself a taker, no one is interested in helping someone who only takes for a long time.”
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There is no such thing as a free lunch, and there are no connections for no reason.
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You are not good enough yourself, and no matter how many people you know, it is just a name on someone else’s list.
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Never chase a horse, use the time you chase to plant grass. Next spring, there will be a group of steeds for you to choose from.
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Don’t force yourself into some circles, try to be your own noble, and contacts will naturally come uninvited.
People can only ask for themselves, not others
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The greatest stupidity of a person is to use his own will and standards to demand others.
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Self-righteousness is good for the other party, but in the end, not only will you not be grateful, but you will also be said to be nosy.
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In this world, there are actually only three things. Your own business, other people’s business, and God’s business.
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We can’t take care of God’s affairs, and we can’t take care of other people’s affairs. It’s better to take care of our own affairs first.
Good people are rewarded, but good people are not
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One question: at what point did you decide to stop being kind?
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The answer is: “Actually, I never decided not to be kind anymore, I just decided not to be kind to everyone.”
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Kindness is very expensive, and you can’t give it to people when you see them. You must know that in this world, good people have good rewards, but good people can only suffer.
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For those who are not worthy, blind kindness is tantamount to weakness; blind tolerance will only let the other party do whatever they want.
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They will keep eroding your interests, again and again.
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However, the meaning of life is never compromise and tolerance without principles and bottom lines.
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When kindness becomes a tool for others to hurt you wantonly, being full of thorns is the best way to protect yourself.
Don’t lend money to real-world friends lightly
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Borrowing money is easy, collecting debt is difficult. There is a Japanese proverb: Borrowing money to accompany a smiling face, and paying it back is like Yama. Sometimes, borrowing money is to buy yourself an enemy.
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I saw an interesting sentence in Zhihu: “How to make someone you hate disappear from your field of vision?”
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The highest praise answer: Lend him money, and then urge him to pay it back, and you will find that he has evaporated from the world.
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People who don’t pay their debts always have thousands of reasons to avoid you, but people who borrow money with good intentions become not people inside and out.
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So, don’t lend money to others easily, especially real-world friends.
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Otherwise, it is yourself who will be embarrassed in the end, and you will dig your heart out to others, and finally your heart will be so tired that you will regret it.
I hate someone, there’s no need to turn against him
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In life, we always meet some people we don’t like.
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When I was young, I hated a person, I would always speak coldly, and tear my face desperately.
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But the more things I have experienced, the more and more I understand: if you hate someone, there is really no need to turn your face.
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It’s good to stay away silently, turning your face will only make everyone unhappy, embarrass each other, and even make enemies for yourself.
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With different views, there is no need to force integration; with different levels, there is no need to argue; bad people and bad things, there is no need to entangle…
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You just have to be yourself, others have their own turbid, you have their own bright.
Learn to be a listener
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Don’t rush words, don’t talk too much, don’t talk nonsense.
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There is a line in Jane Eyre: “Your brilliance is not in talking about yourself, but in listening to others talk about yourself.”
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Too often, we are so eager to express our opinions and opinions that we forget what is more important than expression: listening.
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Listening carefully to what others have to say is a kind of education and a kind of wisdom.
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Listening not only improves communication and reduces misunderstandings, but also allows us to empathize and understand others.
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Therefore, good words can win the audience; but good listening can win friends.
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Don’t be in a hurry to fall in love with someone. Don’t get to know someone too quickly.
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There is a saying on the Internet: People who are very enthusiastic as soon as they meet often have a purpose.
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Those who get close to you ten times faster will leave you ten times faster at some point in the future.
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So, don’t get to know someone too quickly.
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Haste is not achieved, and quick relationships are often like mirrors, which are easy to disappear. More often, it is faster to take your time.
Even if you quarrel, never speak ill of each other
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Improper use of language is a knife that kills without blood, especially the closer the person, the deeper the injury.
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Therefore, no matter how angry you are, don’t vent your emotions wantonly, let alone hurt the closest people with the most vicious language.
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When you encounter anything unsatisfactory, force yourself to pause for thirty seconds and wait until you calm down before speaking.
Emotionally intelligent people know the art of speaking
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Speaking is an art, but also a knowledge.
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The same meaning, said in different ways, may achieve completely different communication effects.
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Replace “I’m not available” with “I’m in a hurry”; replace “whatever” with “listen to you”;
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Replace “okay” with “pretty good”; replace “I can’t” with “I can learn”;
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Replace “no” with “try hard”; replace “do you understand” with “did I make it clear”.
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It’s not just talking, it’s understanding.
Don’t overestimate your relationship with anyone
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There is an effect in psychology called the focus effect.
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It means that people tend to overestimate the attention that people around them pay to them, when in fact you are not that important in the eyes of others.
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Maybe you treat him as a friend of life and death, but he only treats you as an ordinary friend.
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Overestimating your relationships with others creates unrealistic expectations of others.
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Once this expectation fails, the strong sense of difference will make people completely chilled.
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So, never overestimate your relationship with anyone, and treat everyone who comes and goes in your life with a normal heart.
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You are not money, don’t always try to please everyone.
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Haruki Murakami wrote in “Norwegian Forest”: “No matter what the world says, I think my feelings are the most correct. No matter what others think, I will never disrupt my own pace of life.”
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As the saying goes, only those who love themselves can be loved by others.
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We must first learn to please ourselves, and then get along with others with an equal heart.
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Know that if you give up your boundaries in order to please others, others will not like or respect you for it.
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People who live real, calm and self-love are more worthy of being liked by others.
Don’t move at every turn, just dig out your heart and lungs with people
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The writer Zang Da once said: “Don’t dig your heart out, or you will tear your heart out.”
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The people you meet are not all worthy of your trust.
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Being too honest with people is tantamount to handing him a knife with the tip of a knife pointed at him.
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When getting along with people, only say 30% to strangers and 50% to real-world friends. Leave some leeway for yourself so that you don’t get hurt easily.
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Adler, the psychologist, said: “All human troubles come from interpersonal relationships.”
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Master some good ways of doing things for others, not only to make others comfortable, but also to make yourself comfortable, why not do it?
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I hope these 12 pieces of advice can make you know the world but not the world and have a good relationship.
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